Thinking.

I don't really have much to say with this post, so I am just going to say it. It isn't only me that's thought about this, I heard it before and I've read it in books. A.W. Tozer probably says it best out of anyone. Here it goes. Pay attention to your thoughts. They are the thermometer to your hearts condition and they are the center for change. What you think about has a lot to do with who you are. And worry is essentially dwelling on the past or imagining the future in a way that is unhealthy. That is the big one. The that plagues our thoughts night and day. Here is a quote by Tozer from Born after Midnight.

"What we think about when we are free to think about what we will - that is what we are or will soon become."

Your thoughts are the front lines of a spiritual war.

So here are two good questions to ponder.

What do I think about?

Do I think enough?

Here is another idea; entertainment is the alter on which we sacrifice our thought life.

People are scared of silence, cause silence is when we can hear our own thoughts the clearest. Entertainment fills silence, and it is everywhere.

I want to bring up a point Tozer makes as well. There are voluntary thoughts and thoughts of duty. We aren't talking about thoughts of duty. Those are thoughts you must have to do your homework or thoughts you put in when your at work. What is important are the thoughts you have on your commute or at night when you are free to think about whatever you want to.

Try it. Set an alarm or make a mental note to check your thoughts a few times throughout the day, and see where they go. Or try and sit for a half an hour in silence before God, and see where your thoughts go (It's really hard!). Your thoughts will lead you to what you worship most.

So what should we do. "Set your minds on things above." Colossians 3:2

How often? I'm not sure, but I'm starting to think that it should be every moment we have a voluntary thought. I was struck by a phrase that Brother Lawrence used in the book The Practice of the Presence of God. I lost the book so I can't quote it, but it was something along the lines of "It is when I start to think for myself that I find myself in trouble." I'm not sure if we are even capable of taming our own thoughts without God's power.

Waiting on God.

For those of you who have been around me this last year, you will know that I am mildly obsessed with this concept. Perhaps it's cause no one ever told me about it. Last night I was looking through some of my junior high and high school journals and quite times (the very few that I did as requirements for mission trips). I was learning all the right things, and what I was saying was good, but there was something missing. Here is what I was thinking. I must give up everything and serve God so that He will be pleased with me and use me for His work. Sounds good right? Well here is what happened in my head subconsciously, I was having a "faith" in God by obeying him and doing good works that he commanded me to do for Him and for his kingdom. What's missing? I mean both statements are fine in the right context, but they need a foundation underneath them, and that foundation will change everything. I think this is what I was missing: I was thinking about myself instead of God.

If my focus is on myself: What I can do for God's kingdom, how I must work to be like Christ, how I must serve God and be like Christ, those two previous statements go downhill really fast. I fall into to this pattern of thinking everyday. Here are some possible lies that might go along with thinking about yourself, and I think that most of these are more subtle in your head then the actual statement itself. I must earn God's Love. God is only concerned with what I do, and not who I am. I derive my worth by what I do. I must perfect myself so that God will be able to use me for his glory. I must obey God's will for my life. Why doesn't God reveal his will for my life so that I can do it. The emphasis on all of these statements in the I.

What then does it look like to focus on Christ? I think, though I could be wrong on this, that humility is the key. Essentially that is what humility is. It isn't low self esteem; denying yourself and then looking at yourself. It is rather denying yourself and then looking at Christ. Here is some truth that follows this mind set. If I did nothing for my entire life, God will still love me (but you won't do nothing cause as Paul says " the Love of Christ compels us"). God is more concerned about me then what I do. God is my strength. God is my hope.

I could go on with that list, the bible is full of truths like this, but I think you get the point. The main idea in those sentences is God, and the action is what he does. To me this makes perfect sense, God does everything and the only thing that we can actually do ourselves is submit to God (or display humility). What if God gave us a lot of commands with the intention that he wanted to help us. What if his entire goal for us doing anything at all was that he wanted us to realize that it was too difficult for us to do on our own so that we would turn to him and be dependent upon him. What if he asked us to "do" so that we might learn to "be". What if his entire Goal for commanding us to do things was so that we might learn to have a relationship with him. The Holy Spirit plays a huge part in God working through us and in us, but I won't get into to that now, I just wanted to mention it cause it's huge.

Obviously there is more to this then I am simply stating here, and I realize I could be wrong on all this. 1st John says that we love God by obeying his commands. I still don't know how that fits in to what I just said. Perhaps the focus on God rather then our obedience is the key, but I'm not sure. Perhaps obedience is the key and I've got all of this backwards. I've asked a lot of people and haven't got many response back. If you have thoughts, I would love to hear them, especially if you don't agree with what I'm saying.

To close, here is a great quote out of Andrew Murray's trilogy on sanctification called "Walking with God". The book is actually three books, and this quote is from his book entitled "Waiting on God". I think he does a better job of explaining this concept then I ever could.

"Dear Christian! Do you not see that waiting is not one among a number of Christian virtues, to thought of from time to time, but that it expresses that disposition which lies at the very root of the Christian life? It gives a higher value and a new power to our prayer and worship, to our faith and surrender, because it links us in unbroken enjoyment of the goodness of God. 'The Lord is good to them that waiteth for Him'

Let me press upon you once again to take time and trouble to cultivate this so much needed element of the Christian life. We get to much second-hand religion from teaching of men. That teaching has great value if, even as preaching of John the Baptist sent his disciples away from himself to the the living Christ, it leads us to God himself. What our religion needs is more of God. Many of us are too occupied with our work. As with Martha, the very service we want to render the Master separates from Him. It is neither pleasing to Him nor profitable to ourselves. The more work, the more need of waiting on God. The doing of God's will then be our meat and drink, nourishment, and refreshment and strength. 'The Lord is good to them that waiteth for Him'. None will know how good, but those who prove it in waiting on Him. None can fully tell how good, but those who have proved Him to the utmost."

Running.

I started to run about a year ago. My motives where typical: being in shape, feeling healthier, better focus in school. But somehow my focused shifted. Pretty soon it was my time with God, then life got tuff and became my daily regrouping time. I would symbolically run away from my problems, talking to God as a ran away from campus. Then when I had run myself into the ground, I would turn around and run back, facing my problems with God, and relying on His strength to get me back. Those were good times.

What I really want to tell you about is this. Running is an analogy to life. If you would like to read on I'll do my best to explain to you what I mean, then you can go out and run and experience it for yourself. You won't really know what I mean unless you experience it, so I challenge you to give it a try. Life is like a race. The bible says so.

First of all we have to run with God. This is huge. God did not give us enough strength to do anything on our own, so after countless attempts to complete the task of simply putting one foot in front of the other, we trip and fall. Our own strength is no strength at all, and optimism and determination are futile. Realizing this fact is all there is to it, but it's not as easy as it sounds. There are now countless distractions to keep you from running with God. There are people all around you when you run out doors. Are you thinking about what they think of you? Are you trying to impress them by you incredible running speed, your form, your pro running garb? Or are you thinking about your comfort; about how much your leg hurts or how thirsty you are, about how you hate running, about how sweaty and uncomfortable you are? Have you given up?, desperately trying to avoid breaking a sweat, or avoid feeling discomfort. You may tell yourself, "There is too much risk, I could pull a hamstring, get dehydrated, it's not worth it." You may play it safe and just walk some where and sit. You have convinced yourself that you have no idea where the finish line is so you said to yourself, "I give up, if God wants me to win this race, he will bring the finish line right here". You may have convinced yourself that everyone is going to wait for you after the race is over, that your just taking a quick breather, that there are no rules, no disqualifications, perhaps you have convinced yourself that there is not even a race going on, that some how you have the ability to change the rules and declare yourself a winner. "After all" you tell yourself, "aren't we all winners?"

We are so easily distracted. We have taken our eyes of Christ. With Him we will shall not grow weary, with him we can run with a speed we can't comprehend. As it says in Isaiah, "Those who wait upon the Lord shall renew there strength, they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not grow weary, they shall walk and not grow faint." Don't we all ignore the fact that this verse talks about those who are waiting upon the Lord, and automatically assume that it means that God is going to fill in the gaps in our strength. He is our strength. It makes so much sense, but the more we lose track of the goal, the more our minds wander, and the more we justify our actions with lies and excuses, and accept those lies as truths.

Here is where you come in, and the cool thing is that you can experience this first hand. First you will need some good running music to run to, pick some fast and slow songs on your playlist. Ok, this is a big stretch, but your music is going to symbolize the Holy Spirit's leading in the analogy. Just go with it for now. Now run, and follow the musics tempo and feel. If it's slow song run slower, if it's a fast song run faster. All the while surrender to the actual Holy Spirit as well. Try and avoid the distractions I pointed out early, and don't keep track of your time or anything that's not the point, just run with God. You will find it very hard to run without your mind wandering. Just concentrate on the music. You will feel tired and uncomfortable, but don't let it consume your thoughts or slow you down. Meditate on the truth that it is God who is running through you, that you can't run by your own strength. If this is hard for you to understand cause you run all the time and are decent at it, then try running with your eyes closed. Just do it for a few seconds on a straight section with no major obstacles in your way. The faster your running the more vulnerable and scared you feel when your doing it. But that is what surrendering to the Holy Spirit (running with God) should feel like right? Before the fall, wasn't man naturally in a vulnerable exposed state, naked before God, completely at His will.

So now go out and try it; I promise the more you do it the more you will realize how many parallels there are to life. We can read a verse about running the race set before us, but how will we know what he's talking about unless we experience running for ourselves. Do it.

Water.

Ok I have an idea. Alright it's not really my idea, I stumbled across this one at the gym, but it's cool none the less. And it requires your participation! It will be painful, but in the end it is totally worth it. I promise this isn't one of the many bizarre Easton ideas either, so keep reading. First you will need a empty gallon of milk container, or what ever you call those things, half gallon will work too, as long as it's plastic. Rinse it out really good. Now put water in it. Put it in the fridge for at least a day. You could skip the milk container and just put a glass of water in the fridge, but I have a feeling you might need more then a glass :) Alright now go and exercise. If you don't normally exercise, awesome. You have a head start. Running is good, or rowing, or anything that will get up your pulse rate and make you out of breathe. I happened to be rowing, but it could have been anything really. Ok now your going to need to push it. If you feel like you are at your limit, keep going. Music is a good motivator, so if you have some, pull out that one song that you have with the driving beat that lasts for 8 minutes. WARNING: (there is a point where you will throw up, I'm not saying to go there, that will ruin everything, but don't convince yourself that you are there when you really aren't. You know what I mean. cool.) Ok now that you are convinced in you mind that you are actually dying of thirst, go drink some of that chilled water. yeeeaah. tastes good doesn't it. It doesn't even have a taste but it is so satisfying, so refreshing. And it is all you mind can think about in the moment. Ok now go get a bible and read John 4:13-15, John 6:35, and John 7:37.

Here is John 4:13-14

"Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again,¹⁴ but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life."

Don't just read it and think about what it means. Do something, Experience it.

Music.

I love music. There's something about it that is so unearthly, so mysterious. It isn't really tangible either. You know it too. I know there are some of you who say you don't like music, or claim you don't have an opinion on the subject. Your lying. Or ignorant. Since I like music and I think alot, I've though alot about music. Here is what I've put together. Music is a gift. God Himself gave us music as a means to express the inexpressible. Our thoughts and emotions come together in a beautiful union as they travel through the melody and into the very ears of God. I wish I could better explain with words the sheer awesomeness of what music is, but I can't really, you are just going to have to experience it for yourselves. Here are some words from Frederick Buechners book, "Wishful Thinking".
"We learn from music how to listen to the music of our own time- one moment of our lives following another moment the way the violin passage follows the flute, the way the sound of footsteps on the gravel follows the rustle of leaves in the wind which follows the barking of a dog almost too far away to hear.
Music helps us to 'keep time' in the sense of keeping us in touch with time, not just time as an ever-flowing stream that bears all of us away at last but time also as a stream that every once in a while slows down and becomes transparent enough for us to see down to the stream bed the way at a wedding, say, or watching the sun rise, past, present, future are so caught up in a single moment that we catch a glimpse of the mystery that at its deepest place time is timeless."
Have you ever experienced this? If not then I'm sorry, cause it is really amazing. Maybe I can help, cause this is one of the things that can be invaluble when you are trying to get to know the God of the universe, and you realize that what you are, and what He is, are so different that you wonder how your every going to communicate to Him the depths of your soul.
Ok, I have to confess, I don't really like most christian music. I think I've narrowed it down to unoriginality, simplicity, and bad composition skills. I mean I still worship to it at church, I like the words, and it is music so I can still outpour my soul to God through it, but I definately wouldn't put any of it on my iPod and listen to it for fun. It is just too simple for me, and not really all that beautiful either. I'm not saying God didn't want it to exist, cause He does, and he uses it in powerful ways I'm sure. So I don't know where you stand in your experience with music but I'm going to share some things that I done, and maybe someone will get something out of it.

--I stopped listening to music that is filler. If you use music as a time filler while your driving, or walking to the store, maybe start listening to sermons, or the bible on tape, something worth your time.
--I listen mostly to ambient music, soundtracks, and classical music. Some of that stuff is really beatiful, complex and well written.
--I run alot, and when I run I put on music, and I pray, I pour out my heart to God, and both the music and the running help me to express what I am feeling to God.
--When I think, or do homework, or pray, or read the bible or go for walks and admire God's creation, I listen to music. It's a soundtrack to life.
--Buy some good headphones. Please. The world of quality audio brings life the music your listening too. iPod headphone users, your getting gipt of frequencies below about 200Hz. You can't even hear the kick drum can you? Yup, cause it's at around 60Hz.

Here is my list of a few artists for those interest in epic ambient-like music.

Sigur Ros- they are awesome, if you have never heard them before click the link. It's in Iclandic, and his voice is kindof weird at first but give him a while to grow on you. And click on the link and watch the video, that should get you started. listen to Takk... first, then Meo Suo I Eyrum, and ignore the fact that they are streaking on the cover of their lastest album.

http://www.emichrysalis.co.uk/quicktime/sigur_ros/glosoli/index.php?version=7.500&bandwidth=38400

The Pride and Prejudice sound track.

Ulrich Schnauss- he is electronic ambient, he has some good stuff though.

Sufjan Stevens' Seven Swans album is really good, low key music, christian too.

Chronicals of Narnia sound track is pretty good, very epic music.

One more thought before I sign off. Read the bible to music. Reading the book of Joshua to the Chronicals of Narnia sound track. Now that is Epic.

Logical Chaos

Today I was looking at my cafeteria on the way back from a run, admiring the parallel lines and the shapes that the structure creates when I look at it from a particular angle and it occurred to me how orderly and simple it was. In fact most of the things that I associate with being orderly in this world are man made, every thing natural seems so random, so wild. The clouds seem like random streaks of white against blue sky, the grass grows every way it wants to, and trees reach up into the sky in every direction imaginable. And yet I know it isn't random, I've had biology classes, I know how intricate every blade of grass is, how each atom is structured in a way to make the plant the way it is. And yet there is chaos. And it is this chaos that is a constant reminder to us we will never be in control of anything. I decided this semester to take a weather class called Earth dynamics. We learn to mathematically describe the weather systems. I came out of the first lecture amazed by the fact that the human race wasn't dead yet. I am now fully convinced in my mind that the God I serve is the sustainer. He is omnipresent, everywhere at once, holding together the very atomic structure of my body so that by his will alone I may live another day. If you think about it we can only begin to understand the math of how everything is put together, and try to harness some of these equations to perhaps create ourselves, because we know so little. I am an engineer, and at times in my schooling I have thought to myself  "It's this it? is this all we know?, these equations are so simple." Perhaps in an effort to elevate ourselves, to bring control into our own hands, we harness the logic of this earth, and we make buildings and gadgets, and toys, and we think we are awesome. Not that these things are bad in anyway, but they fall so short. We are like kids playing with crayons next to a master artist. We use math and logic to build things, God has created logic and math to paint with, and through his brush strokes the complexity of the logic at hand has burst forth into a chaos so beautiful it send chills down my spine. 

Dancing.

I am fascinated by the analogy of marriage. For those of you who don't know it is an analogy between God and the church (not your local church, the church as a whole, all those who profess Jesus as their saviour, and pursue Him). Anyway I was out walking today in the snow, trying to think of who exactly I was in Christ. We have an identity in Christ, and was brainstorming what exactly that means. The first thought that came to mind was that I am loved by God. I forget that a lot, he tells me time after time, but I still forget. I guess I don't forget, I know it's true in my mind. But I forget in my heart that it's true. That's why I sin, time after time. (Quick note, I am about to into sensitive ground for a lot of people, talking about the roles of men and woman in marriage. I would love to here you thoughts, but I would hope that you would see the raw beauty that comes from the way God made us for each other. ) Ok, so I was thinking about how I forget a lot about the Love that God has for me. Trying to bring my thoughts down to earth, I thought about how married women desire for there husbands to both show and speak love to them. Men are awful at this. We are supposed to be constantly showering them with Love, telling them in ways that we only know how, because we know them more then anyone else does. Not only are we supposed to show our Love, but we are to be their protecter, their provider. Anyways as I was walking by to my dorm in the Snow I realized I was like a insecure wife. I keep forgetting the Love my Saviour has for me. "What am I to do", I thought to myself. Nothing. Those where the words that came to my head. He will do everything. In dancing it is the Man who leads. He steps first, the woman follows. The music starts and the steps blur together in a beautiful dance. The woman spins and twirls, she is tossed into the air and caught, and all the while the man remains at her side leading her next step. All she must do is trust him. It is the same way with us and God. He will do everything, all he asks of us is for our trust. If you trust in God you will find yourself staring in the eyes of your creator, yourself spinning and twirling to the music, even though you have no idea how to dance. And all the while he is whispering in your ear, "I love you". Isn't this marriage too? The woman trusting in the man whom she loves with all her heart, and the man leading the woman in the dance of their lives, spinning her all the way, throwing her up in the air, yet making sure that she lands safely in his arms. And all the while he is whispering in her ear "I love you". Beautiful.

Welcome!

Hello everyone! This blog is an experiment, an attempt to share with whoever is reading my latest thoughts. My hope is that someone will benefit from these words. First of all you have to understand something about me. I can't communicate very well. This isn't some some of disclaimer, it's the way I am. So if somehow you are able to comprehend what I write in this blog, then God be praised! It is most definitely by His power that these words make sense. I am fascinated by both beauty and the truth, essentially I am fascinated by God, who is the ultimate source of pure beauty and is the definition of truth. I hope one day you be able to pursue this God, if you are not already doing so.